How to Choose Wine

There's been a lot of market research done lately on how people choose wine, and I don't mean the people that read Wine Spectator. I'm talking about people that pick a wine based on the label on the bottle. Lots of wineries are disguising marginal wine with catchy names and colorful labels. Twin Fin, Two Buck Chuck, Yellow Tail, and my personal fave, Screw Kappa Napa are a few examples, although I hear that the Two Buck Chuck is actually quite good, but alas not 2 bucks anymore... more like three. Now I drink a lot of wine, most of it very good because I rely on the guys at Schneider's to hook me up, but I am in no way a wine snob. I rarely spend more than $20 on a bottle unless I plan on giving it as a gift. My purchasing method usually consists of going to Schneider's and asking for recommendations in the $10 - $20 range. However, when left to my own devices, I have noticed I tend to look for labels that interest me. Case in point:

This wine bottle depicts a chicken with a heart. How can I not like this? I am the Chicken! I didn't even know what gamay noir meant when I bought it. It was cheap at $9 but not too bad. I probably wouldn't buy it again, though. Not enough tannins for me. I like my wine big.
This next one was quite interesting. First, I like the label because of the bike and the name "Hill of Content". What a great name, especially because I like hills. I'm not saying I'm good at them, just that I like them. My friend, the Unholy Rouleur is the first to point out that I'm not a "true climber." Anyway, back to the wine. This one also happened to be a sparkling red wine from Australia. I was hesitant at first thinking it would be more like those wine coolers I was so fond of in high school, but was pleasantly surprised. It was good and at somewhere in the $15 range, I would buy it again. Definitely a novelty, but a darn good one.
I get a kick out of this next one from the Clif Bar Family Winery. Again, a climbing theme going on here but what I really like is the fact that it's a Clif product. I already use their Shot Bloks on long rides and too many of their bars to list here. Why not drink their wine? I always joke that I use wine as a recovery drink and what could be better than one from Clif. I mean, I'm sure they researched it and it provides the perfect amount of carbs and such to replenish after those 4 hour Kelley Acres rides.
And finally, meet Rex Goliath, the 47 pound rooster. Again, back to the chicken theme, and if I don't watch it, I'm going to be Velochicken Goliath, the 147 pound roaster. Seriously, I've gained 10 pounds over the last year and my chicken legs (part of the reason for my nickname) have become more like meaty drumsticks. I have even considered changing my name to The Fryer, although I think roasters are supposed to be bigger than fryers. From show hen to Rhode Island Red in a year. Oh yeah, the wine wasn't all that good or bad. Just your average $10 bottle with a chicken on it.